Intro to PITA, Part 2

PITA has finally made it into the exam room with 7 dogs.

She pulls Rocky from the smallest carrier. The entire room stinks like week old pig feces (as usual when PITA brings dogs in). As I look Rocky over, she tells me how Rocky is flying to a new home in Arizona to be a show dog and she's kept him until he's a year old to make sure he turns out good and so on. When I get to the back half of Rocky, she asks me to check his knees, (just like she does with every. single. exam.)

Me: Grade 1 patella luxation, left side
(congenital, inheritable condition where kneecap pops out of place)

PITA: He can't have a patella luxation!

Me: He has a Grade 1.

PITA, staring at me in horror: He can't have a patella luxation! He's going to a show home! They can't show him if he has a patella luxation!

Me: I'm sorry, but he has a Grade 1 luxation.

PITA: What am I going to do! I can't send him a dog with a patella luxation! And he's been waiting for this dog for almost a year!

She stares at me like I'm going to wave my magic wand and say there is no longer a patella luxation.

Me: Sorry.

She stares at me some more before finally putting Rocky away and pulling out the first puppy.

PITA: They just had baths today, but someone must have pooped on the way over.

(She says this every. single. time. And every single time, there is no visible poop on them, but they stink to high heaven. Her puppies smell so bad, the clinic stinks for hours after she leaves)

Me: What are the puppies birth dates?

(If they are 12 weeks old or older, they need to be rabies vaccinated to travel)

PITA: Oh, I don't have their birth dates with me. I don't remember exactly when they were born. I would call my niece, but I think she's in an appointment. They should all be 11 weeks old.

Me: Both litters are 11 weeks?

PITA: Oh, yes. They were born a few days apart.

(I ask for the puppies birth date every. single. time. And she never remembers to bring it with her. And she always says the puppies are always 11 weeks old.)

I examine all 6 puppies, she dictates which papers will go with which puppies. I write brief notes, but thankfully all the puppies look good (other than ear mites, but thats another story).

I spend the next fifteen minutes filling out and signing all her paperwork. It totaled to four official health certificates and three exam certificates (we usually refer to it as the "white paper." It's some pain in the ass paper her airline requires for shipping puppies). After PITA leaves, the receptionist comes back and tells me that PITA was writing on the certificates before she even left the lobby.

*FACEPALM*

It has been explained to PITA multiple times that she cannot alter official papers after they have been signed by a doctor. But it's like she can't help herself. She's even been caught altering drug prescriptions. You'd think she would learn. Or that my boss would pull her head out her ass and quit insisting that we cater to her.