Public Service Announcement

Just because your doctor prescribed it for you, does not necessarily make it safe for your dog.

Contrary to what you might believe, your dog is not a person.

Don't listen to a word I say

Woman: She's been having trouble breathing and she can't sleep because when she lays her head down she can't breath. She doesn't want to go outside or anything.

Me: How long has this been going on?

Her: Three days. I kept waiting for her to, you know, pass away. But since she hasn't I probably ought to do something for her.

(Holy crap! Three days of laboring so hard to breathe that the poor dog can't sleep!)

Me: She's in pretty bad shape. Her gums are very pale (and a little blue). With her age (ancient) and her breed (super stub nosed boston terrier) I'm very worried there's something going on that we won't be able to fix. I think you should consider euthanasia so she does't have to suffer anymore.

Her (gets right in the poor dog's face and baby talks): She's not ready to go yet.

(Yes she is. She's halfway there already)

Me: Then I need to take an x-ray of her chest to see what the problem is and decide the best way to treat it.

Her: She's allergic to steroids

Me: Okay. I'm suspecting that her heart may be the problem and that's not treated with steroids. But we need to take x-rays to find out for sure.

Her: You can't sedate her. The other vet and I agreed that she can't be sedated.

Me: She just has to lay on her side for the x-ray.

Her: She'll get too stressed by that. She's already stressed by the car ride. I thought she might die. The other vet said she can't be sedated.

Me: I don't plan on sedating her for the x-ray. She just has to lay on her side long enough for me to click the button.

She looks at me suspiciously

Me: Or we can try Lasix to pull fluid from her chest. But I don't know for sure if there is fluid without an x-ray.

Her: I guess she needs an x-ray.

*OMG! Listen to what I'm saying! Don't bring in your seriously ill dog and throw out every random road block on why things can't be done! Especially when I already strongly hinted that your dog is suffering and you decline euthanasia. If you won't end their suffering, I WILL require diagnostics in order to treat them to the best of my abilities.*

Sadly, even after an x-ray confirming a poor prognosis, the owner insisted on trying treatment for the little dog's heart failure because She'll hate herself if she doesn't try. No, your dog (and I) will hate you for prolonging your poor pet's suffering. Can you imagine struggling for every breath, feeling like you're drowning the entire time? And you already let this go on for THREE DAYS!

In this profession, we are blessed that we have the option to end suffering when there is nothing more to be done to prolong a decent quality of life. I hate it when people refuse for selfish reasons. When you take on a pet, you have to see to THEIR needs, not your own.

Best Compliment Ever

Yesterday an older gentleman told the receptionist that I "was pretty cute" and he'd "poop on the floor for me, anytime."

I was speechless.

PITA Returns

PITA brought in a litter of six small, stinky, fluffy puppies.

Me: I see ear mites in this ear.

PITA: Which ear?

Me: Right ear, but you need to treat both ears.

PITA: I know. Which other puppy did you see ear mites in?

Me: The second one, but you need to treat both ears on the entire litter and the mom.

PITA: I know, I always do. And which ear was it on that puppy?

Me: Left, but you need to treat both ears on all the puppies and their mom.

PITA: I treat my entire kennel twice a year.

Me: Ear mites only live on the dog. They don't live in the environment. If you are treating everyone like you say, you shouldn't continually be having ear mite problems.

PITA: I treat everyone just like Dr Owner told me to.

Me: Just make sure you treat every ear of this litter and the mom.

PITA: I will, I always do. But you saw mites in the second puppy and the last puppy, right?

Me (sighing): Yes

Dick and Balls

A (male) owner recently asked a friend of mine (another veterinarian) if he could take his dog's testicles home after the dog was neutered. Her answer was no, but the question in everyone's mind was "why does he want his dog's testicles?"

The answer: His uncle Dick's ashes are on his mantle and he and his friends think it would be funny to put his dog's testicles up there and tell everyone he has "Dick and Balls" on his mantel.

I can't make this crap up.

Open letter to the guy who told me I was "letting his cat die over $40"

Dear Guy who told me I was "letting his cat die over $40"

We had a really crappy conversation in the lobby because you did not believe the receptionist that I would not dispense antibiotics for a cat that I have never examined. You were a nice, clean cut looking guy, dressed in your work uniform like you were on you way home or to a late lunch. Our conversation went something like this.

Guy: I need some antibiotics for my cat.

Me: I'm sorry, but I cannot dispense antibiotics for a cat that I have not seen.

Guy: I used to work for a veterinarian. I know what I'm talking about. She just needs antibiotics because she has an upper respiratory infection.

Me: I'm sorry, but it is state law that I cannot send a prescription medication for a pet that I have not examined.

Guy: The vet I used to work for did it all the time. She gave antibiotics to anyone who needed them.

Me: It's illegal to send prescription medications for pets that have not been seen in the past year.

Guy pulls out his phone: Here's a picture of her, now you've seen her.

Me: That's not the way it works.

Guy: I don't have $40 for an exam. I just need the antibiotics.

Me: Is there anyone you can borrow $40 from for the exam?

Guy: So you're going to let my cat die over $40?

Me: You can also contact the local humane society. They sometimes have funds available to help in situations like this.

Guy: I can't believe you're letting my cat die over $40!

He stomped out and attempted to slam the lobby door behind him.

I have several problems with out conversation that I did not feel comfortable discussing with you in your agitated state.

1) I'm not letting your cat die, you are.

2) If you really "know what you're talking about" then you should know that otherwise healthy, adult cats do not die from upper respiratory infections anymore than healthy adult people die from the common cold and 2b) Just like the common cold, most upper respiratory infections in cats are viral. So the antibiotics you want so bad might do a whole lot of nothing to help your cat. - But I can't determine any of this WITHOUT AN EXAM!

3) I don't give a damn what the vet you worked for did. If she was so free with prescription drugs, call her.  I happen to like having a license to practice veterinary medicine and I'm not going to risk it over something stupid, like a $20 antibiotic.

4) I have a hard time believing that you *can't* come up with $40 for an exam. You were dressed in a work uniform - so you have an income. You drove a car to the clinic (we watched you drive away in it) - so you have enough disposable income to put gas in it. I'm pretty sure that was a smart phone that  you flashed your cat's picture on - so you have enough disposable income to cover a cell phone bill.

5) You don't *want* to come up for $40 for an exam because you would rather come into my clinic and use emotional blackmail to get things for FREE. Paying for an exam and actually getting veterinary care for your cat might mean that you would (gasp!) have to go without internet on your phone for a month.

Thank you for your time. Now go take care of your cat.

Looked like an idiot in front of my boss

Early in my veterinary career, I pulled a bottle of Panacur dewormer from a high shelf and, without looking, shook it vigorously. Well, whoever had last opened the bottle had just set the lid on top of the bottle instead of screwing it on firmly.

So when I shook the bottle the lid and a large amount of thick white Panacur splattered over the wall and ceiling.

Of course my boss was standing just outside of splatter range, watching the whole show.

He just said, "Now you know what assuming does."

Looked like an idiot in front of the client

I'm very glad I don't work in a human health care field because I stick myself with needles all the time. When I do it in front of a clients, I usually smile and tell them that I'm well vaccinated while I hide the resulting blood.

I also have a very bad habit of removing syringe caps with my teeth. One day this habit caught up to me.

I was preparing to draw blood from a large dog and my wonderful technician took the syringe cap off for me. You know, trying to be helpful because I didn't have a spare hand to remove it myself. Well, I didn't realize the needle was uncapped and by force of habit, I started to stick it in my mouth. And I stabbed myself in the lip. For those of you that have never stabbed yourself in the lip with a 22g needle, lips punctures bleed profusely. 

Halfway thru drawing the blood, I felt blood running down to drip off my chin.  I tilted my head down and tried to subtly wipe my chin with the back of my hand. As I'm transferring the blood to a shipping tube the dog's owner saw the blood on my hand and started freaking out that her dog was bleeding.

 At that point I had to confess that it was from my lip, not her dog. Talk about looking like an idiot in front of the client. It took 30 minutes to get my damn lip to stop bleeding.

Don't Bite Me

I used to see emergencies after clinic hours by myself. If I had something that I absolutely could not do by myself (like a C-section) I had to scramble around, calling the clinic staff to see who was willing to answer their phone and give up a couple of hours of their free time to help me.

One day, shortly after we closed, a lady brought her chihuahua in for profuse vomiting of 1 hour duration. I start my exam.

Lady: He's really sick. He shouldn't be acting like this. He should be trying to bite you right now.

Me: Oh, okay. (Cause it always makes me feel good when they tell me about biting after I'm touching their dog)

Lady: He bites everyone except me. Come on Buddy! You can do it! You should be biting her right now.

(Now, I feel really great about touching this dog)

Halfway through the exam, Buddy does start trying to bite me.

Lady: Yeah, Buddy! That's how you're supposed to act! Get her! Bite her!

Then, she was pissed because I wouldn't hospitalize Buddy for the night. If he's feeling good enough to bite me, he's feeling good enough to go home. I'm not dealing with the little monster you have created any more than I have too.

I Can't Make Your Decisions

Lady brought in her older cocker spaniel mix. She said the little dog had been unable to keep food or water down for several days. I get a bad feeling just from this information. It's not a good sign as far as owner compliance and/or financial situation that they have done nothing about a dog who has been vomiting profusely for several days. Not to mention that the poor dog is probably pretty sick.

As it turns out, the little dog was VERY sick! Extremely dehydrated, very painful in the abdomen, and she vomited on palpation of the stomach despite not having eaten in close to a week. The poor little dog laid on the exam table without moving anything but her eyes the entire time I was in the room.

I discussed the options with the owner. 1) Bloodwork and hospitalization or 2) Euthanasia. One of these options was going to be fairly expensive, the other, much less so. The owner hems and haws, so I offered to do the bloodwork first and give her a more accurate prognosis than "probably not good."

Her: I'm just not ready to euthanize her yet. I just don't know what to do.

Me: Okay, then you need to let us hospitalize her.

Her: I don't want to spend that much money on her. After all, she's an old dog.

Me: I will not send her home like this. She will just die a slow painful death at home and that is not fair to her...But I can go ahead and run bloodwork to get a better idea of what her long term prognosis is.

Her: How much does that cost?

Me: $120

Her: I don't really want to spend that much money on her. I just don't know what to do.

Me: Is there someone you can call to help you make this decision?

Her: My husband is at work. I just don't know what to do.

Me: I'm going to give you a few minutes to think things over.

--I step out of the exam room for 5 minutes before going back in--

Me: Are there any questions you would like to ask?

Her: I just don't know what to do.

Me: How about we run the bloodwork so we have more information?

Her: I don't really want to spend that much money on her.

Me: Your options are euthanasia or bloodwork. Which would you like to do?

Her: I'm just not ready to euthanize her.

Me: Then I guess we're running the bloodwork.

The poor little dog had severe pancreatitis and suspected kidney failure. She had 2 normal values on her entire blood panel. Her prognosis for long term survival was poor. The owner eventually (finally!) decided to euthanize her and end her suffering.

Her: Can I take her home for a couple of days to say goodbye?

Me: A couple of days? (I'm trying to keep my jaw from hitting the floor) No. She is terribly sick and miserable. It is not fair to her to prolong her life like this. You can take her home for the rest of they day and bring her back right before we close.

This poor little dog had already been living like this for several days and she wasn't going to feel any better without hospitalization, IV fluids and pain management. It was inhumane to continue prolonging this little dogs life without intensive care. I understand that I was offering the owner two crappy choices, but sometimes I want to look at people and be like, this is YOUR dog but sometimes you have to do what is in YOUR PET'S best interest, not yours.

You Need New Priorities

You bring your cat to me for not feeling good and not acting right. I examine your cat and the only problem I find are the 10,000 fleas living on your cat. This explains why your cat isn't feeling good. You wouldn't feel good either if you had 10,000 fleas drinking your blood.

You inform me that you can't get rid of the fleas.

I launch into my flea discussion (treat house, treat yard, flea preventative for everyone!).

You inform me that you have done all that, but can't afford to keep flea preventative on your four cats.

I understand the flea preventatives for cats are not cheap. But holy cow! These fleas are living in your house!

We go 'round and 'round about the fleas and you leave with 1 dose of flea preventative for this cat because "that's all you can afford," 1 dose that won't do shit because your other three cats will still be breeding fleas.

Then, I watch you pull out of the parking lot in your two-year-old Mercedes SUV.