PITA has finally made it into the exam room with 7 dogs.
She pulls Rocky from the smallest carrier. The entire room stinks like week old pig feces (as usual when PITA brings dogs in). As I look Rocky over, she tells me how Rocky is flying to a new home in Arizona to be a show dog and she's kept him until he's a year old to make sure he turns out good and so on. When I get to the back half of Rocky, she asks me to check his knees, (just like she does with every. single. exam.)
Me: Grade 1 patella luxation, left side
(congenital, inheritable condition where kneecap pops out of place)
PITA: He can't have a patella luxation!
Me: He has a Grade 1.
PITA, staring at me in horror: He can't have a patella luxation! He's going to a show home! They can't show him if he has a patella luxation!
Me: I'm sorry, but he has a Grade 1 luxation.
PITA: What am I going to do! I can't send him a dog with a patella luxation! And he's been waiting for this dog for almost a year!
She stares at me like I'm going to wave my magic wand and say there is no longer a patella luxation.
Me: Sorry.
She stares at me some more before finally putting Rocky away and pulling out the first puppy.
PITA: They just had baths today, but someone must have pooped on the way over.
(She says this every. single. time. And every single time, there is no visible poop on them, but they stink to high heaven. Her puppies smell so bad, the clinic stinks for hours after she leaves)
Me: What are the puppies birth dates?
(If they are 12 weeks old or older, they need to be rabies vaccinated to travel)
PITA: Oh, I don't have their birth dates with me. I don't remember exactly when they were born. I would call my niece, but I think she's in an appointment. They should all be 11 weeks old.
Me: Both litters are 11 weeks?
PITA: Oh, yes. They were born a few days apart.
(I ask for the puppies birth date every. single. time. And she never remembers to bring it with her. And she always says the puppies are always 11 weeks old.)
I examine all 6 puppies, she dictates which papers will go with which puppies. I write brief notes, but thankfully all the puppies look good (other than ear mites, but thats another story).
I spend the next fifteen minutes filling out and signing all her paperwork. It totaled to four official health certificates and three exam certificates (we usually refer to it as the "white paper." It's some pain in the ass paper her airline requires for shipping puppies). After PITA leaves, the receptionist comes back and tells me that PITA was writing on the certificates before she even left the lobby.
*FACEPALM*
It has been explained to PITA multiple times that she cannot alter official papers after they have been signed by a doctor. But it's like she can't help herself. She's even been caught altering drug prescriptions. You'd think she would learn. Or that my boss would pull her head out her ass and quit insisting that we cater to her.
Friday, September 11, 2015
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Introduction to PITA
A dog breeder (a former client, thank God!) is the first person who comes to my mind when I think about those extra special clients. She had some good attributes. She wasn't overtly combative and she had good genetic quality dogs (under the stank). She was just the biggest pain in the ass I've ever had to deal with week after week and year after year. I'll call her PITA. She breeds a variety of small multi colored fluffy dogs (point in her favor - they were all AKC breeds, no yorki-poos or malti-poms) and had personally shown a small number of them to their Champion title (which blows my mind).
I have just walked into the clinic, haven't even set down my purse yet, and my technician comes running.
Tech: Guess who's on the schedule today!
Me: Oh, God. It's PITA, isn't it.
Tech: Yep. Says she's only bringing 4 puppies today, so she's booked into a 20 minute slot. Wanna make a bet on how many puppies she'll actually show up with? Tech2 says 6. I'm betting on 8.
Me: I'm gonna kill whoever booked her into 20 minutes, 'cause I'm with you. She'll bring 8.
*5 minutes after PITA's scheduled appointment time*
Me: She's late again!
Tech: Haven't you figured it out yet? She thinks 10 minutes late qualifies as on time.
Me: And someone only scheduled 20 minutes for her appointment. I bet she doesn't even make it into an exam room by the end of her slot.
*5 minutes later*
Receptionist: Which dogs did you bring today?
PITA: I have 4 puppies, Rocky, and 2 puppies from another litter.
R: Have we seen any of these dogs before?
PITA: Rocky. He needs a health certificate, but he doesn't need a Rabies shot because he had that last year.
R: What do the puppies need?
PITA: 2 need health certificates, 3 need exam certificates and the rest just need regular exams.
*5 minute conversation where receptionist tries to figure out which puppies need what. The answers continually change on who needs what and how many need each certificate. Receptionist eventually gives up.*
R: Do you have the Rabies tag or certificate for Rocky?
PITA: No. You should have record of it. It was done here.
R: When was it done?
PITA: Last year
R: Can you be more specific?
PITA: Fall, I think.
*1 minute of silence while receptionist scans through the records of the many dozens of dogs PITA brought in last year*
R: I can't find where we saw a Rocky anytime last year.
PITA: It was done here. I know it!
R: Let me look again.
*Another minute of silence*
R: No Rocky.
PITA: Oh, I know! I was calling him Chocolate last year. Try that name.
*Another minute of silence while receptionist looks over records a third time*
R: I don't see a Chocolate either.
PITA: I know he's already had a Rabies shot. Hmm. Try Peppy. I called him Peppy too.
*Another minute of silence*
R: Peppy had a Rabies vaccination last April.
PITA: There, I knew he'd had one.
PITA enters the exam room with 1 minute of her appointment time left, 7 dogs to be examined and an unknown amount of paperwork to be filled out.
To be continued...
I have just walked into the clinic, haven't even set down my purse yet, and my technician comes running.
Tech: Guess who's on the schedule today!
Me: Oh, God. It's PITA, isn't it.
Tech: Yep. Says she's only bringing 4 puppies today, so she's booked into a 20 minute slot. Wanna make a bet on how many puppies she'll actually show up with? Tech2 says 6. I'm betting on 8.
Me: I'm gonna kill whoever booked her into 20 minutes, 'cause I'm with you. She'll bring 8.
*5 minutes after PITA's scheduled appointment time*
Me: She's late again!
Tech: Haven't you figured it out yet? She thinks 10 minutes late qualifies as on time.
Me: And someone only scheduled 20 minutes for her appointment. I bet she doesn't even make it into an exam room by the end of her slot.
*5 minutes later*
Receptionist: Which dogs did you bring today?
PITA: I have 4 puppies, Rocky, and 2 puppies from another litter.
R: Have we seen any of these dogs before?
PITA: Rocky. He needs a health certificate, but he doesn't need a Rabies shot because he had that last year.
R: What do the puppies need?
PITA: 2 need health certificates, 3 need exam certificates and the rest just need regular exams.
*5 minute conversation where receptionist tries to figure out which puppies need what. The answers continually change on who needs what and how many need each certificate. Receptionist eventually gives up.*
R: Do you have the Rabies tag or certificate for Rocky?
PITA: No. You should have record of it. It was done here.
R: When was it done?
PITA: Last year
R: Can you be more specific?
PITA: Fall, I think.
*1 minute of silence while receptionist scans through the records of the many dozens of dogs PITA brought in last year*
R: I can't find where we saw a Rocky anytime last year.
PITA: It was done here. I know it!
R: Let me look again.
*Another minute of silence*
R: No Rocky.
PITA: Oh, I know! I was calling him Chocolate last year. Try that name.
*Another minute of silence while receptionist looks over records a third time*
R: I don't see a Chocolate either.
PITA: I know he's already had a Rabies shot. Hmm. Try Peppy. I called him Peppy too.
*Another minute of silence*
R: Peppy had a Rabies vaccination last April.
PITA: There, I knew he'd had one.
PITA enters the exam room with 1 minute of her appointment time left, 7 dogs to be examined and an unknown amount of paperwork to be filled out.
To be continued...
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Facepalm
Little fluffy white dog came in with her owner on a Monday. Fluffy was dancing all over the exam table.
Me: What's going on with Fluffy today?
Obnoxious Owner: She hurt her leg Saturday. It was really bad so I gave her Advil.
Me: Please do not do that again. Advil is toxic to dogs.
OO: You were closed and she was in pain.
Me: Do not give Tylenol, Advil or Aleve to dogs. It can cause liver or kidney failure.
OO: Well, I couldn't just let her be in pain, could I?
*Facepalm* The clinic has an emergency number where a veterinarian can be reached 24/7 as well as an emergency clinic nearby if Fluffy was really in that much pain. Hell, even a simple internet search will tell you those are toxic to dogs. Instead, she would rather risk organ failure.
Monday, September 7, 2015
Pet Peeves
Do not send your friend (or husband, or child, or parent, or whoever) to the veterinarian with your sick dog and have them tell us that you have been treating the problem with an unknown medication, from an unknown source, at an unknown frequency, for an unknown length of time. This is NOT HELPFUL!
Bonus points are awarded to the ones who call back later the same day complaining that we sent the friend (or whoever) home with the same stuff they had already been using.
You would have wasted less of our time (and your's and your friend's) if you had just written down what you had been doing at home that wasn't working.
The only entertaining thing about this situation is taking bets on where the owner acquired the prescription medication they had been using. Popular answers include, but are not limited to,
1) It was prescribed for this pet greater than 3 years ago.
2) It was prescribed for another pet in the household for a different problem
3) It was prescribed for the owner by their doctor
4) It was prescribed for a friend or relative's dog by another veterinarian for a similar problem
5) It was prescribed for a (human) relative
6) It was prescribed for a friend's second cousin's dog a couple years ago (true story)
Bonus points are awarded to the ones who call back later the same day complaining that we sent the friend (or whoever) home with the same stuff they had already been using.
You would have wasted less of our time (and your's and your friend's) if you had just written down what you had been doing at home that wasn't working.
The only entertaining thing about this situation is taking bets on where the owner acquired the prescription medication they had been using. Popular answers include, but are not limited to,
1) It was prescribed for this pet greater than 3 years ago.
2) It was prescribed for another pet in the household for a different problem
3) It was prescribed for the owner by their doctor
4) It was prescribed for a friend or relative's dog by another veterinarian for a similar problem
5) It was prescribed for a (human) relative
6) It was prescribed for a friend's second cousin's dog a couple years ago (true story)
Friday, September 4, 2015
Too Many Choices
A very nice younger couple brought their dog in for a routine exam. Jack was an awesome young, bouncy Jack Russell terrier with a mild skin infection. I discussed antibiotics for his skin infection as well as getting him started on flea preventative and heartworm preventative.
Me: Would you prefer a liquid antibiotic or tablets for Jack?
The couple looks at each other uncertainly
Me: The liquid would be put directly in his mouth or the tablet can be hidden in food if he's not a picky eater.
The look at each other again. Her: I guess we'll do the tablet. He's not a picky eater.
Me: Now, for the flea and heartworm preventative. Would you prefer a topical liquid or tablet?
Her: You're giving me too many choices!
Me: Okaay, I'll send you with the tablet.
Me: Would you prefer a liquid antibiotic or tablets for Jack?
The couple looks at each other uncertainly
Me: The liquid would be put directly in his mouth or the tablet can be hidden in food if he's not a picky eater.
The look at each other again. Her: I guess we'll do the tablet. He's not a picky eater.
Me: Now, for the flea and heartworm preventative. Would you prefer a topical liquid or tablet?
Her: You're giving me too many choices!
Me: Okaay, I'll send you with the tablet.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Resurrection is Possible
Mrs. Lump brought her small brown mixed breed dog, Buddy into the clinic. Mrs. Lump had a serious allegation involving Buddy. She stated that the vaccination given to him two weeks before had caused a lump. And she wanted surgery performed for free to remove the lump.
When I checked the lump there were two problems with Mrs. Lump's story. 1) The lump was a skin tag. Vaccines don't cause skin tags. 2) It was on the wrong side. Buddy's vaccination had been given on the right and the skin tag was on the left.
Mrs. Lump did not take the explanation well and continued to demand free surgery, even though the skin tag was the size of my pinky fingernail and did not even need to be removed. Mrs. Lump and I did not part on good terms.
Several days later, Mrs. Lump called, crying. She told the office manager that Buddy had been attacked and killed the night before by a Rottweiler. The office manager was quite sympathetic (despite how Mrs. Lump had treated everyone a few days before) because she knew how traumatic it was to have a pet die suddenly. The office manager put Mrs. Lump on the list to have a sympathy card sent and marked Buddy's record that he was now deceased.
Less than three minutes later a receptionist from Dr. Close's clinic calls.
Dr. Close's Receptionist: Hi, I just need to know if it's okay to refill heartworm preventative for Buddy Lump.
Office Manager: I'm sorry. Who is it for?
DCR: Buddy Lump. The owner says he was just seen at your clinic earlier this week.
OM: Can I verify the owner's name, address and phone number?
*All information matches Mrs. Lump*
OM: Are you sure this pet is alive? Because Mrs. Lump just called us a few minutes ago and told us Buddy had been killed by another dog last night.
DCR (uncertainly): Umm. Mr. Lump and Buddy are standing in our lobby right now.
OM: Okay. I'll fax all of Buddy's records to your clinic. Good luck.
The office manager crossed Buddy off the sympathy card list with a note that he had been resurrected.
*In real life this happened at a friend's clinic*
When I checked the lump there were two problems with Mrs. Lump's story. 1) The lump was a skin tag. Vaccines don't cause skin tags. 2) It was on the wrong side. Buddy's vaccination had been given on the right and the skin tag was on the left.
Mrs. Lump did not take the explanation well and continued to demand free surgery, even though the skin tag was the size of my pinky fingernail and did not even need to be removed. Mrs. Lump and I did not part on good terms.
Several days later, Mrs. Lump called, crying. She told the office manager that Buddy had been attacked and killed the night before by a Rottweiler. The office manager was quite sympathetic (despite how Mrs. Lump had treated everyone a few days before) because she knew how traumatic it was to have a pet die suddenly. The office manager put Mrs. Lump on the list to have a sympathy card sent and marked Buddy's record that he was now deceased.
Less than three minutes later a receptionist from Dr. Close's clinic calls.
Dr. Close's Receptionist: Hi, I just need to know if it's okay to refill heartworm preventative for Buddy Lump.
Office Manager: I'm sorry. Who is it for?
DCR: Buddy Lump. The owner says he was just seen at your clinic earlier this week.
OM: Can I verify the owner's name, address and phone number?
*All information matches Mrs. Lump*
OM: Are you sure this pet is alive? Because Mrs. Lump just called us a few minutes ago and told us Buddy had been killed by another dog last night.
DCR (uncertainly): Umm. Mr. Lump and Buddy are standing in our lobby right now.
OM: Okay. I'll fax all of Buddy's records to your clinic. Good luck.
The office manager crossed Buddy off the sympathy card list with a note that he had been resurrected.
*In real life this happened at a friend's clinic*
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Pet Peeves
Do not arrive at the clinic 30 minutes early and expect to be seen early. We have a fully booked schedule and you will be seen when you are scheduled to be seen.
Do not come up to the reception desk at your appointment time asking how much longer it's going to be because you've been waiting a long time.
It's not our fault you showed up crazy early.
Do not come up to the reception desk at your appointment time asking how much longer it's going to be because you've been waiting a long time.
It's not our fault you showed up crazy early.
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Don't Believe the Owner: Part 3
And sometimes the owner is right.
Just last month an older lady brought her small fluffy white dog in for having skin trouble.
Older Lady: It's been there about two weeks. I've been putting cream on it. My doctor gave me the cream so I know it's okay.
Me: What kind of cream?
OL: Hydrocortisone or something. But it hasn't made that spot go away.
I parted the fur on her fluffy dog and saw a medium sized crusty area.
Me: Looks like a hot spot.
OL: It's not a hot spot. My other dog has those and this is nothing like it.
Me: Okaayy. Let me shave it and see what's going on under all the hair.
I take the dog out of the room to my technician. We were laughing a bit about how convinced the woman was that it wasn't a hot spot.
Me: This is so a hot spot.
Tech: Looks like a hot spot to me.
After 30 seconds of hair clipping. I had to eat my words. And they didn't taste good.
It was NOT a hot spot. It was something super strange looking. Started the little fluffy dog on typical first line skin meds with instructions to expect a skin biopsy if there was no improvement. However, I have not heard an update recently, so I hope everything is going well.
Just last month an older lady brought her small fluffy white dog in for having skin trouble.
Older Lady: It's been there about two weeks. I've been putting cream on it. My doctor gave me the cream so I know it's okay.
Me: What kind of cream?
OL: Hydrocortisone or something. But it hasn't made that spot go away.
I parted the fur on her fluffy dog and saw a medium sized crusty area.
Me: Looks like a hot spot.
OL: It's not a hot spot. My other dog has those and this is nothing like it.
Me: Okaayy. Let me shave it and see what's going on under all the hair.
I take the dog out of the room to my technician. We were laughing a bit about how convinced the woman was that it wasn't a hot spot.
Me: This is so a hot spot.
Tech: Looks like a hot spot to me.
After 30 seconds of hair clipping. I had to eat my words. And they didn't taste good.
It was NOT a hot spot. It was something super strange looking. Started the little fluffy dog on typical first line skin meds with instructions to expect a skin biopsy if there was no improvement. However, I have not heard an update recently, so I hope everything is going well.
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