Don't Believe the Owner, Part 1

Being on call for emergencies is usually a pain in the ass. Nine times out of ten, it's not a real emergency and could totally wait until the next day. But sometimes it's hard to determine what's a real emergency and what can really wait until the next day because all I have to go on is the owner's description. Sometimes it's accurate. Often it's not.

Phone call on emergency. The woman on the phone is frantic. Says her german shorthair pointer is bloating. Bloat is an extremely dire emergency that often needs immediate surgery.

Frantic Woman: He's bloating, he's bloating. I've got to get him in!

Me: What exactly is he doing right now.

FW: He's laying there painting. He's breathing hard!

Me: Has he vomited?

FW: He's bloating! His stomach is big!

Me: Has he tried to vomit?

FW: No, he'd feel better if he did!

Me: How long has he not been himself?

FW: Since my stupid brother fed him! I've got to get him in!

Me: If he's bloating you need to take him to the emergency practice in (large city about 45 min away). I don't have the staff and supplies to do the surgery that he might need.

FW: He's bloating, I've got to get him in!

Me: You need to take him to the emergency practice because if he IS bloating, I'm just going to send you there and that will have wasted time that he doesn't have. Go to the emergency clinic!

FW: He's bloating, I've got to get him in!

Me: Fine, bring him in.

I meet them at the clinic. The dog jumps out of her car and bounds into the clinic. Dogs that are bloating have a hugely distended abdomens and are usually retching, drooling and in serious distress. This dog was so not bloating. He was acting completely normal. A thorough exam and bloodwork turned up absolutely nothing. Turns out the woman's brother had fed the dog twice his normal amount of food and she had panicked.

At this point she asks me if we can get her dog's vaccinations up to date since she hasn't had him in in a while. Hell no, I'm not giving your dog vaccinations during an emergency visit! That is not what I'm on call for! You can schedule yourself an appointment during regular business hours for that, Mrs. Lazy Crazy.